I agree with all of these! And also the lack of cold & flu meds that can be bought over the counter. That was a rude awakening the first time we both got sick here this fall, and now we have a well-stocked stash that we continue to replenish from the U.S....
One other big grievance for me is how France really does seem to be in the dark ages when it comes to perimenopause and menopause. I was warned about that, and had two experiences of being shamed by my GP and OBGYN about taking HRT (and I need to stock up on it twice a year when I go back to the US). I do hope it becomes easier for women here to get the support we need.
There is a great group on FB, Menopause and HRT in France, that has a list of HRT friendly doctors and other resources. It is currently on pause because the admin is out of town but will be back in a few days.
Yes, I am part of that group! It’s a great resource, yet I still haven’t found support for this that’s better than what I have in the US. I’m not giving up, though.
I am sorry to hear that. After having a similar experience to yours with my GP (she didn’t even know what HRT was ????), I found a GYN near Pau who has been very helpful. I hope you can find someone nearer to you soon!
I’m so sorry you had that happen! Completely unnecessary. Why is it always so difficult for women to find compassionate, informed medical professionals?
A french friend (married to an American friend) was given US flu medicine when he was on a visit to his inlaws. After sleeping through the night and feeling quite good the next morning he declared "what is this Voodoo you have in the US?!" Lol! We learned quickly to keep a stash here.
Yes, we looked and looked in many pharmacies when we were both sick last fall, and all we could get OTC were pills infused with essential oils, which didn't help at all.
The screens and the toilet seat would set me back just a bit. But, you hit is on the mark with the comment about standards. I love the way shop keepers fuss over the details of the transaction they are having with you. The presentation of the object you have purchased is more than just a purchase; it is as if you have shown your good taste by coming to them and they will reward you with the care and excellence of their wares and their service. Yeah, I am a bit of a romantic, Still, this was my take away from my trips to France over the years. If one avoids the tourist traps, one is delighted by the service theater they put on...Your writing is so fluid and crisp. It is a joy to read.
Absolutely. I was blown away around the holidays when a lady at the pharmacy wrapped some shampoo that I bought for my son. She even curled some ribbon, exclaiming that everything is better when it’s beautiful!
The first thing I saw here was the photo and I thought no, please don't tell me you have started stacking your books that way! This still drives me crazy, but I work around it.
So after all this time, that still bothers me, as well as the lack of screens, and that's about it, really. We have always had good luck with any artisans we have hired and have never had a no-show, but then again we haven't done major renovations requiring repeated and coordinated interventions.
Most home toilets we've seen do have a washbasin in them, but our daughter bought an apartment that didn't, and they found a system where you can build in one into the top of the toilet tank, and it pumps into the (clean) water from the tank. It's tiny but it's something!
Oh and as for the toilets, my daughter was able to do this without replacing the whole toilet; the basin system just replaces the cover or lid or whatever you call it — in case this is an issue in your house!
On shelves, yes, I put them upside down so that we can see the titles the way I’m used to. In a stack, I also put them upside down. It doesn’t seem to bother my husband.
Thanks for mentioning the book spines, that's my bête noire. The worst is when your bookshelves are a mix of French and English titles: to read the spines you have to lean your head first to one side, then the other, it gets dizzying!
Yes, all of the above and what Sara said about the cold meds.
Also the unpredictability of package delivery. I don't know if it's is a Paris-specific issue, but package delivery here has kind of a lottery aspect - Will I actually receive the package? Will be on time? And will arrive at the delivery location I selected or perhaps in an entirely different arrondissement for no apparent reason? I rarely online shop here, because there is little need to. But these issues have made me limit it to only absolute necessities.
Also, speaking of online shopping necessities, last year, I ordered the Amazon mosquito screens which are easy to mount, more than long enough for French windows, and have an extremely strong magnetic closure in the center, so you can still go out them when you want to. They were life changing. I really don't know how we survived the first summer.
We have to be home for every package delivery, which was a big adjustment. One carrier in particular always sends me a two-hour window but then they go straight to the relay point…
Right? I need to know how people with full-time, in-office jobs do this. Because I can barely manage it and I WFH.
I have given into the fact that the relay point is usually the better delivery option but that’s its own can of worms because sometimes it won’t allow the relay, sometimes I pick a relay and it decides “non. Pas ça.” then I find myself traversing paris to find the relay the shipper picked. To my favorite - “the relay was full, we have sent your package back to the sender.” Really? Really? Do I not get a say in possibly…an alternative delivery spot? 🤣
Having moved to Pau (not too far away from you), my list would be fairly similar, and I feel you re the cocktails. Great selection of apèros and digestifs, including armagnac and pacharan, but when it comes to cocktails proper, there's a mojito, capirinha, and ti-punch, gin and tonic variations, and....
Can 100% vouch for the lack of toilet seats being unnerving at best and horrific at worst. Had a restroom experience at Leclerc when I was there that may have scarred me for life 😩
Such a fun list! Mine is definitely the small beds. Rent an Airbnb and your “lit double” will often be 140 cm — basically a U.S. full bed. And somehow the sheets are always a little crispy too. A few years ago, when I bought a 180 cm bed, it was actually hard to even find sheets for it in France. Thankfully that’s improved!
Oh man. We brought two beds from the US, and the former owner of our home left us a UK king. So the bedding situation here is diabolical… always trying to sort out what can fit on what, etc!
A lot of it is about expectations, isn't it? What one is accustomed to, and departures from what had once been normative? I made my peace with book spines long ago (having been a librarian helps with that). I admit, however, that I still reflexively look at the front of the books for a table of contents rather than the back. And AC is probably increasingly not just a comfort issue but one of survivability--at least of the survival of one's estival happiness. If you own your place you're the mastery of your AC destiny (unless the other coop members or syndic say no); if renting, try to make a deal with the landlord if AC's not already in place.
And I'll add one item to your list of gripes (and this one held true living in Ireland, too). I always prefer to sit outside at a restaurant if the weather allows. But then you have to deal with the terrace being the smoking section, too, and I always seem to get placed next to the table where everyone smokes before and after every course! Banning smoking in any public place is on my list of regulatory priorities (and I'm someone who started smoking decades ago because I was hanging out with French people for whom smoking was almost a hobby).
I think you’re exactly right, John. The longer we’re here, we more we acclimate to these little shifts until they’re a part of us. It’s always eye-opening for me to go back to the US and discover the many ways where what was once normal feels strange or absurd, too. We’re definitely living between cultures now — not fully French, but no longer fully American, either.
Excellent! Garbage collection is an absolute mystery, as is the fact that in some places you must walk three or four blocks down narrow, twisty alleyways of streets, trash in hand, in order to get rid of it. This is going to be interesting with the kitty litter.
I can tell you what I do about washcloths, though: I bring them. I am not kidding. I don’t like the terrycloth mitt.
OMG I am so here for this list. Missing seats in public bathrooms is a pain, yes, but honestly, if they are already running plumbing to the house water closet, would it kill them to add a small sink? WTAF. It makes me wonder about why the handshake really never caught on there.
And AC. I get it, it’s not as eco-friendly as dying of heat exhaustion and letting my body fertilize the soil, but life in France would be darn near perfect with just a little ac, a heat pump, a split, something.
We were fortunate to have splits in all the bedrooms. They heat AND cool! So in a big house, it’s actually pretty economical to focus on heating/cooling just the rooms your are using. Of course in the winter we put the heat on but you can keep it low and then just “boost” the rooms if need some extra warmth.
I agree with all of these! And also the lack of cold & flu meds that can be bought over the counter. That was a rude awakening the first time we both got sick here this fall, and now we have a well-stocked stash that we continue to replenish from the U.S....
Oooh that’s a good one! I guess it’s because they don’t like to mix meds in one pill. I also replenish my stash every time I go back to the US…
One other big grievance for me is how France really does seem to be in the dark ages when it comes to perimenopause and menopause. I was warned about that, and had two experiences of being shamed by my GP and OBGYN about taking HRT (and I need to stock up on it twice a year when I go back to the US). I do hope it becomes easier for women here to get the support we need.
There is a great group on FB, Menopause and HRT in France, that has a list of HRT friendly doctors and other resources. It is currently on pause because the admin is out of town but will be back in a few days.
This is what I love about Substack — the wisdom and generosity of the people here. Thank you, Ashley!
Yes, I am part of that group! It’s a great resource, yet I still haven’t found support for this that’s better than what I have in the US. I’m not giving up, though.
I am sorry to hear that. After having a similar experience to yours with my GP (she didn’t even know what HRT was ????), I found a GYN near Pau who has been very helpful. I hope you can find someone nearer to you soon!
I’m so glad you found someone you’re happy with!
Sara, there is a new Centre Ménopause in Bordeaux (https://www.chu-bordeaux.fr/Les-services/Service-de-chirurgie-gyn%C3%A9cologique,-gyn%C3%A9cologie-m%C3%A9dicale-et-m%C3%A9decine-de-la-reproduction/Centre-de-la-m%C3%A9nopause-CHU-de-Bordeaux/) I haven't used it (yet) but, from what I've read, they are offering real solutions for a stage of life that affects more than half the population at one time or another. It's in conjuction with the University. Might be worth looking into. It just opened within the past few months.
This is great to know, Kimberly — thanks for sharing!
That's encouraging to know!
I’m so sorry you had that happen! Completely unnecessary. Why is it always so difficult for women to find compassionate, informed medical professionals?
A french friend (married to an American friend) was given US flu medicine when he was on a visit to his inlaws. After sleeping through the night and feeling quite good the next morning he declared "what is this Voodoo you have in the US?!" Lol! We learned quickly to keep a stash here.
Haha - that’s awesome! It’s funny what we take for granted sometimes…
LOL is right!
I'm confused—there are definitely over-the-counter cold and flu meds. Humex, Actifed, Fervex...
Which one of those is closest to DayQuil or NyQuil? Humex looks promising…
I think what happened to me is that I took whatever was recommended by the pharmacist and it was some plant-based concoction that just didn’t cut it!
I've been here too long to be familiar with the US meds!
Yes, we looked and looked in many pharmacies when we were both sick last fall, and all we could get OTC were pills infused with essential oils, which didn't help at all.
The screens and the toilet seat would set me back just a bit. But, you hit is on the mark with the comment about standards. I love the way shop keepers fuss over the details of the transaction they are having with you. The presentation of the object you have purchased is more than just a purchase; it is as if you have shown your good taste by coming to them and they will reward you with the care and excellence of their wares and their service. Yeah, I am a bit of a romantic, Still, this was my take away from my trips to France over the years. If one avoids the tourist traps, one is delighted by the service theater they put on...Your writing is so fluid and crisp. It is a joy to read.
Absolutely. I was blown away around the holidays when a lady at the pharmacy wrapped some shampoo that I bought for my son. She even curled some ribbon, exclaiming that everything is better when it’s beautiful!
That was my experience as well. And, the more I said "please don't bother" the more she insisted on doing it.
The package wrapping during the holidays is such a treat. French and Italians both seem to really take pride in this and I love it.
The first thing I saw here was the photo and I thought no, please don't tell me you have started stacking your books that way! This still drives me crazy, but I work around it.
So after all this time, that still bothers me, as well as the lack of screens, and that's about it, really. We have always had good luck with any artisans we have hired and have never had a no-show, but then again we haven't done major renovations requiring repeated and coordinated interventions.
Most home toilets we've seen do have a washbasin in them, but our daughter bought an apartment that didn't, and they found a system where you can build in one into the top of the toilet tank, and it pumps into the (clean) water from the tank. It's tiny but it's something!
How do you work around the book thing? Just put them on the shelf upside down?
Those hand basin toilets are so clever! Saw one in a Bordeaux restaurant last week. Genius!
Oh and as for the toilets, my daughter was able to do this without replacing the whole toilet; the basin system just replaces the cover or lid or whatever you call it — in case this is an issue in your house!
That’s a great tip! Had no idea you could retrofit it…
On shelves, yes, I put them upside down so that we can see the titles the way I’m used to. In a stack, I also put them upside down. It doesn’t seem to bother my husband.
Once you’ve been Frenched, there is no going back! Because my mother was French, that happened at an early age… my teens were tough years 😉.
A true statement, right there!
haha same here! I never realized how French my upbringing was until I went to French school at age 12.
Thanks for mentioning the book spines, that's my bête noire. The worst is when your bookshelves are a mix of French and English titles: to read the spines you have to lean your head first to one side, then the other, it gets dizzying!
Seriously! I’m at a loss for what to do… it feels like a simple problem with a simple solution, but it’s evading me.
Yes, all of the above and what Sara said about the cold meds.
Also the unpredictability of package delivery. I don't know if it's is a Paris-specific issue, but package delivery here has kind of a lottery aspect - Will I actually receive the package? Will be on time? And will arrive at the delivery location I selected or perhaps in an entirely different arrondissement for no apparent reason? I rarely online shop here, because there is little need to. But these issues have made me limit it to only absolute necessities.
Also, speaking of online shopping necessities, last year, I ordered the Amazon mosquito screens which are easy to mount, more than long enough for French windows, and have an extremely strong magnetic closure in the center, so you can still go out them when you want to. They were life changing. I really don't know how we survived the first summer.
We have to be home for every package delivery, which was a big adjustment. One carrier in particular always sends me a two-hour window but then they go straight to the relay point…
Right? I need to know how people with full-time, in-office jobs do this. Because I can barely manage it and I WFH.
I have given into the fact that the relay point is usually the better delivery option but that’s its own can of worms because sometimes it won’t allow the relay, sometimes I pick a relay and it decides “non. Pas ça.” then I find myself traversing paris to find the relay the shipper picked. To my favorite - “the relay was full, we have sent your package back to the sender.” Really? Really? Do I not get a say in possibly…an alternative delivery spot? 🤣
‘Those slow aimless flys that materialize in the center of the room’. I laughed out loud when I read that because it’s such an accurate description!
Yes! You know exactly which ones I’m talking about.
BTW, I also had a line in there about the extra buzzy kind, but then I thought it was getting a bit over the top, haha.
Having moved to Pau (not too far away from you), my list would be fairly similar, and I feel you re the cocktails. Great selection of apèros and digestifs, including armagnac and pacharan, but when it comes to cocktails proper, there's a mojito, capirinha, and ti-punch, gin and tonic variations, and....
A friend hosted a barbeque the other day and hired two Brazilians to make the meal. The caipirinhas were deadly in the best way… such a treat!
Can 100% vouch for the lack of toilet seats being unnerving at best and horrific at worst. Had a restroom experience at Leclerc when I was there that may have scarred me for life 😩
Yup. Build up your core and quadriceps!
I remember traveling through southern France in the 1970’s
and only finding porcelain “standing squat” toilets. And, having to jump out of the way when flushing. Fun!
I guess that makes squatting over a seatless toilet a lot more appealing, haha!!
Such a fun list! Mine is definitely the small beds. Rent an Airbnb and your “lit double” will often be 140 cm — basically a U.S. full bed. And somehow the sheets are always a little crispy too. A few years ago, when I bought a 180 cm bed, it was actually hard to even find sheets for it in France. Thankfully that’s improved!
Oh man. We brought two beds from the US, and the former owner of our home left us a UK king. So the bedding situation here is diabolical… always trying to sort out what can fit on what, etc!
That sounds confusing! 😅
A lot of it is about expectations, isn't it? What one is accustomed to, and departures from what had once been normative? I made my peace with book spines long ago (having been a librarian helps with that). I admit, however, that I still reflexively look at the front of the books for a table of contents rather than the back. And AC is probably increasingly not just a comfort issue but one of survivability--at least of the survival of one's estival happiness. If you own your place you're the mastery of your AC destiny (unless the other coop members or syndic say no); if renting, try to make a deal with the landlord if AC's not already in place.
And I'll add one item to your list of gripes (and this one held true living in Ireland, too). I always prefer to sit outside at a restaurant if the weather allows. But then you have to deal with the terrace being the smoking section, too, and I always seem to get placed next to the table where everyone smokes before and after every course! Banning smoking in any public place is on my list of regulatory priorities (and I'm someone who started smoking decades ago because I was hanging out with French people for whom smoking was almost a hobby).
I think you’re exactly right, John. The longer we’re here, we more we acclimate to these little shifts until they’re a part of us. It’s always eye-opening for me to go back to the US and discover the many ways where what was once normal feels strange or absurd, too. We’re definitely living between cultures now — not fully French, but no longer fully American, either.
As my Irish colleagues and friends used to say, neither fish nor fowl
I am
French and
American leaving in the states, I agree with your picks.
Oh, I love that you’re the cocktail queen of Castillon!
I try!! But I have to leave room for wine in the mix to help ameliorate le crise du vin…
Excellent! Garbage collection is an absolute mystery, as is the fact that in some places you must walk three or four blocks down narrow, twisty alleyways of streets, trash in hand, in order to get rid of it. This is going to be interesting with the kitty litter.
I can tell you what I do about washcloths, though: I bring them. I am not kidding. I don’t like the terrycloth mitt.
Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hand?
Groan!!😄
OMG I am so here for this list. Missing seats in public bathrooms is a pain, yes, but honestly, if they are already running plumbing to the house water closet, would it kill them to add a small sink? WTAF. It makes me wonder about why the handshake really never caught on there.
And AC. I get it, it’s not as eco-friendly as dying of heat exhaustion and letting my body fertilize the soil, but life in France would be darn near perfect with just a little ac, a heat pump, a split, something.
We were fortunate to have splits in all the bedrooms. They heat AND cool! So in a big house, it’s actually pretty economical to focus on heating/cooling just the rooms your are using. Of course in the winter we put the heat on but you can keep it low and then just “boost” the rooms if need some extra warmth.